Sickness and Ice Cream
by homesweethomicide13
Summary: Hidan is sick, and it's Deidara's turn to look after him. When Hidan keeps demanding things, Deidara takes things into his own hands... HidanDei, Yaoi.


**Title:** Sickness and Ice Cream  
**Author:** homesweethomicide13  
**Rating:** M  
**Pairing:** HidanDei  
**Warning:** Yaoi, Hidan's mouth, violation of ice cream XD  
**Disclaimer:** If only…  
**Summary:** Hidan is sick, and it's Deidara's turn to look after him. When Hidan keeps demanding things, Deidara takes things into his own hands…

**Author's Note:** This is an idea that me and my friend BelieveIt thought up one night whilst I was eating ice cream. I wrote the idea up and she said I could post it under my account so long as I gave her credit for co-creating it XD I added the sickness part to it, however :P Enjoy!

**Sickness and Ice Cream**

"_Deidara_!" The blonde artist jolted awake at the kitchen table, eyes darting around him as he tried to focus. He wiped drool from his chin and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair before lifting himself out of the chair he'd fallen asleep in. "_Deidara_!" The voice echoed through the near empty hideout, and he sighed. "_Where the fuck are you, you bastard_?" He wished for a long moment that this was all a dream and that he didn't have to tend to the every need of one certain Akatsuki member.

"Coming!" He shouted back before any more insults could be hurled in his direction. He flattened out his hair – which he knew would be sticking up in all sorts of weird angles – and headed out of the kitchen. "Stupid moron." He muttered under his breath as he trekked through the hideout, walking a familiar path that he was sure he had walked a dozen times already that morning. He didn't bother knocking on the bloodstained door – he just turned the handle and walked in. "What is it now?" The platinum-haired ninja in the bed shot him a sly grin.

"I'm cold." He said in a whiney voice. Deidara rolled his eyes – he knew the voice was just an act to get him to feel sorry for the idiot. "Fetch me my blanket?" Deidara sighed.

"Fine, where is it?" The ninja pointed to the corner of the room, and Deidara walked towards it, stepping around strange metal objects and dark stains on the floor. It was a wonder Konan hadn't pitched a fit at the state of the room – or Kakuzu, for that matter. He spotted the blanket beneath a pile of assorted material and bent to pull it out. His hand touched some rough fabric coated with something sticky and he grimaced. "Ugh, this is disgusting." He quickly tugged the blanket free and turned back to the bed. He threw it down over the platinum-haired ninja and turned to leave.

"Is that it? You are fucking shit at looking after someone." The whine was gone now, and Deidara turned back to face him.

"What do you want me to do, Hidan? Tuck you in?" He instantly regretted his words when he saw the smirk on Hidan's face. "Oh you've got to be kidding me…"

"Remember what Pein-sama said, Deidara. You have to attend to my every need." Deidara glared at him, but the smirk never faded. Knowing that he had no other choice, he crossed to the bed and tugged the blanket up over Hidan's body, smoothing it out over his chest and shoulders. "You know, this is fucking good. I could get used to this shit." Deidara scowled.

"Well don't. The moment you're feeling better I'm going to blow your ass halfway to hell for making me do all this." He told Hidan, who laughed.

"I'll fucking look forward to it, _Deidara-chan_." He murmured, violet eyes locking onto Deidara's blue ones. Deidara instantly jerked away from him and turned away, walking towards the door. "Oh, and Deidara…" He waited until Deidara had turned back to look at him before grinning. "Great hair." Deidara stormed out of the room before he blew Hidan up, checking his reflection in the nearest shiny surface. His hair was sticking up all over the place, his fringe at a right angle to his head. Stray strands were looped in the air, and his ponytail looked like the back end of a duck.

"That's great. Just great." He scowled, using the tongues on his hands to help smooth out his hair into something more presentable. "Why the hell am I stuck looking after the stupid moron who managed to get himself sick? I mean no wonder – he's getting what he deserves if he was stupid enough to go to the Land of Snow without a damn shirt on." Once his hair was somewhat neater, he made his way back to the kitchen for some coffee. "I'm surprised Kakuzu didn't just leave him there to freeze. Would have done us all a favour." He gulped down the coffee instantly, not caring about burning his tongue. He needed to reboot his system after last night – Hidan had kept him awake for the entire night, demanding this, that and the other. He'd managed to get in a couple of hours sleep but it wasn't enough.

Once Pein had found out that Hidan was sick – courtesy of Kakuzu complaining about medical bills – he had arranged that every member was to take their turn in looking after the zealot. Since Kakuzu had had to put up with him coughing and sneezing the whole way back to the Land of Rain, Pein had declared him free of the duty (to which Kakuzu had actually grinned at and almost danced out of the room), but everyone else would have to do their part. Zetsu had been first, and once the half-plant ninja had tried to eat Hidan to shut him up, Pein had given him a mission and put Tobi up next. Hidan had threatened to slice him up into a zillion pieces after only a few hours, and so Pein declared that Tobi was also free of the duty. Kisame had been next, and had done surprisingly well – he cooked Hidan's favourite meals every day and even slept outside his bedroom door, alert for the slightest sound of discomfort. Once Kisame's three days were up, it was Sasori's turn. Sasori was quite content to ignore Hidan's complaining and sit there fixing his puppets, and so Sasori's three days passed without any trouble on his part. Itachi had been next, threatening Hidan with 72 hours of torture if he did not stop whining – of course, Itachi's plan failed when Hidan _pleaded_ for him to do just that.

When Konan stepped up, no one was surprised to find that she completely doted upon Hidan, spending every minute beside him and looking after him like a mother would. Hidan had actually complained when she stepped down after her three days. Now, it was _his_ turn, and Hidan was driving him crazy. It was only the second day, and he was wishing that Hidan would magically get better so that he no longer had to take care of him. Then again, Pein had said that if Hidan was still sick when his turn was up then Kakuzu would have to step in after all, and seeing that would be worth withstanding Hidan's whining. Not only would Hidan drive Kakuzu even crazier than usual, but with any luck Kakuzu would lose his temper and remove Hidan's head and leave it a closet somewhere in the basement.

He dearly wished for someone to talk to, but the hideout was practically empty – Pein and Konan were doing business in Amegakure, and Zetsu and Tobi were off gathering information. Pein had granted Itachi a four-day vacation after sensing another spree killing on its way, and had sent Kisame along to keep an eye on him. Sasori was down in his workshop building more puppets, and probably wouldn't reappear for several days. Kakuzu, deciding that he couldn't stand being anywhere near Hidan – especially since they shared a room – had gone on a bounty-hunting mission to get away from him. So it was just Hidan and Sasori – and himself of course – left in the hideout. How wonderful.

"Deidara!" He cringed at the sound of his name and sighed. What could he possibly want now? He walked back to Hidan and Kakuzu's room with a scowl on his face. This was certainly not doing anything for his stress levels. He opened the door sharply and stood in the doorway, one hand on the door handle, glaring at Hidan. "I'm thirsty." A vein twitched on Deidara's forehead and he exited the room, slamming the door closed. He fetched a glass of water from the kitchen and resisted the urge to dump it over Hidan's head when he returned to that filthy room.

"Here." He calmly walked over and handed him the glass, which Hidan downed almost in one. "Anything else before I go?" Hidan pretended to ponder for a moment, and Deidara knew he was just doing it to be awkward.

"Nope, I got nothing." Hidan grinned. Deidara sighed. Thank fuck for that.

"Alright. Now shut up and get some bloody rest." He turned and marched out of the room again, glad that he would have a moment of peace. He had just reached the end of the hall when Hidan yelled after him.

"Hey, Deidara! I thought of something!"

"That bastard. He did that on purpose. He waited until I'd almost gotten away…" Deidara muttered angrily as he stomped back up to Hidan's room. He kicked the door open, not caring about marking the wood (Kakuzu would have his head for it when he got back) and didn't even flinch when it smashed against the wall behind (Kakuzu would kill him for that, too). "What?" He snapped. Hidan grinned innocently, and Deidara desperately wanted to wipe that stupid grin from his face.

"I want… some ice cream." He told Deidara, who looked shocked for a moment. He hadn't expected that. "But not just any fucking ice cream." Deidara waited for the details, hoping they had some in the hideout – Hidan would not let it go if they didn't. "It has to be double chocolate ice cream, with chocolate sauce and chocolate sprinkles on it." Deidara's jaw dropped.

"You want… _double_ chocolate ice cream," he said, unbelieving, "and on top of that, you want chocolate sauce _and_ sprinkles?" Hidan nodded.

"It's what I always have." He sat up in the bed, letting his blanket fall down around his hips. Deidara sized up the man's bare torso and shook his head slowly.

"How the hell are you so damn skinny?" He wondered aloud. Hidan smirked. "God, Hidan, where do you put it all?"

"It's Jashin." Hidan corrected. "And I just wear it off quickly." He folded his arms over his chest and tilted his head to one side, regarding Deidara with cool purple eyes. "Hmm, I don't see any fucking ice cream, Deidara." Rage built up in Deidara's chest but he forced it back.

"I'll see what I can do." He said through gritted teeth. He turned and strolled back to the kitchen, making his way towards the freezer. What was he going to do if they didn't have any ice cream? He wasn't allowed to leave Hidan on his own, and although Sasori was also in the hideout, the likeliness of him watching Hidan while he rushed to the nearest store was low. He checked every drawer and shelf in the freezer before he came across a large white tub. Hope glittering in his eyes, he reached in and pulled it out. "Aha!" It was certainly ice cream, but what flavour? He opened the tub and breathed a sigh of relief. It was dark brown in colour, with chunks of chocolate inside it. "Oh thank god." He murmured, closing the freezer and standing up. He dumped half of the tub into a bowl and set about finding the chocolate sauce. He knew it was in here somewhere, because Hidan always drizzled chocolate sauce on his pancakes in the morning. "Masochistic chocoholic." Deidara muttered as he searched the cupboards. "Where the fuck does he keep it?"

He opened another cupboard and spotted a tall bottle towards the back with a note stapled to it. The paper was red-brown in one corner, where a bloodied hand had held it, and the handwriting was an untidy scrawl. Underneath a Jashin symbol, the words 'Hidan's – keep the fuck off bastards' were written. Deidara took the bottle out of the cupboard and took it over to the ice cream, which was beginning to melt. He drizzled a lot of sauce over it and returned the bottle to the cupboard. As he searched for the sprinkles, he suddenly realized exactly what he was doing for the Jashinist.

"Jeez, it's like looking after a fucking kid." He grumbled. "A kid that's constantly demanding shit every five damn seconds." He found the sprinkles and shook some out on top of the ice cream and sauce. He hated to admit it, but it actually looked very appealing. He licked his lips before shaking his head and putting the sprinkles back where he found them. "I shouldn't have to put up with this." Hidan had been worse the previous night, demanding something different every five minutes, and apparently nothing he gave him was right, which meant he had to go back and do it again. He knew Hidan had just been doing it to annoy him.

He grabbed a spoon from a drawer and picked up the bowl, wincing as his skin touched the cold surface, increasing in chill as he walked out of the kitchen. He hadn't closed the door since his last trek to Hidan's room, and so he simply walked into the room and held out the bowl and spoon.

"There, your fucking majesty." He scowled. Hidan stared at the bowl for a long while and Deidara half expected him to reject it and say something was wrong. Then those violet eyes lifted to meet his.

"That's gonna be cold." He stated. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Well duh, it's _ice_ cream."

"Not the ice cream you fucking moron." Hidan smirked. "The bowl. I shouldn't really hold it, you know, in case I get another chill." Deidara's face paled.

"Oh you're shitting me." Hidan shook his head and patted the space beside him. Deidara cringed as he walked around the bed and sat down on the edge close to Hidan, holding the bowl in his lap. "What have I done to deserve this?" He muttered under his breath. He scooped some of the chocolaty concoction onto the spoon and held it out towards Hidan, who leant forward and took the spoon into his mouth. Deidara withdrew it and stuck it back into the ice cream. He was tempted to ram the spoon down Hidan's throat, but that would only result in more whining, and he'd have to explain to Pein why Hidan now had a throat injury to top the illness. Hidan nudged him and he sighed, holding out the spoon again.

"Tch, you fucking suck at this." Hidan complained after he'd swallowed the ice cream. Deidara scowled at him. "Kakuzu does it way fucking better and he doesn't even fucking like me." Deidara's eyes widened. Kakuzu hand-fed Hidan?

"What?" Hidan seemed to realize what he'd just said and stared at Deidara for a moment before the smirk returned to his face.

"Yeah, Kakuzu feeds me ice cream whenever I'm sick or upset." He shrugged. "He only does it to fucking shut me up. But he still does it better than you do." Deidara's anger returned. The cheeky bastard!

"Oh yeah?" He had an idea – it was time to get back at Hidan for all the trouble he'd been. "Well, does Kakuzu do this?" He moved to straddle Hidan's hips, buried somewhere underneath the blanket, and positioned the bowl between his legs, holding out the spoon for Hidan. The Jashinist swallowed hard and stared at him before accepting the spoonful of ice cream. "Or… this?" He reached out with one hand and wiped a smear of chocolate sauce from the corner of Hidan's mouth, sucking the chocolate off his finger. Hidan watched, jaw hanging open slightly, and shook his head. Deidara smirked on the inside – it was working! He didn't have many skills, but one thing he _did_ know was how to seduce another man. Hey, looking feminine had its benefits sometimes. "What about this?" He scooped up some ice cream and put it in his own mouth. Holding it there, he leant forward and pressed his lips to Hidan's. He was surprised when Hidan's lips parted instantly and he accepted the ice cream from Deidara's mouth. He felt Hidan swallow, and moved to pull back, but hands in his hair stopped him.

Deidara quickly ran his tongue around his own mouth but he couldn't find any more ice cream hiding within, so why was Hidan still kissing him? Now Hidan's tongue slipped into his mouth, and he couldn't stop a soft groan from escaping. He hadn't been kissed much, but Hidan was _definitely_ a good kisser. He found himself kissing back with force, shoving Hidan against the headboard, the ice cream forgotten.

They only broke apart when the need to breathe arose, and they stared at each other for a few long minutes, both unable to believe what had just happened, and unable to understand _why_ it had happened. Deidara moved back, picking up the ice cream to distract himself. Hidan grabbed the spoon quickly and Deidara looked up just in time to see him lick the thing clean. He swallowed hard as he watched Hidan's tongue flick out and swirl over the chocolate sauce coating one side of the spoon. The zealot's eyes were closed as he savoured the chocolate, and he moaned softly in pleasure. Deidara felt a stirring down below as he watched this display and forced himself to look away. He stared at the ice cream and had an idea. Smirking, he dipped his finger into the slowly melting treat and gathered up some of the melted ice cream. He made a great deal out of lifting it to his mouth and licking his finger clean, aware of eyes upon him. He let his own slip shut as he took his whole finger into his mouth.

The shot open when Hidan shifted his position sharply, and he watched as Hidan swirled two of his fingers in the ice cream, a smirk on his face. Making sure he had Deidara's full attention, he lifted them both to his mouth and slowly licked them clean. Chocolate sauce smeared on his lips and trickled out of the corner of his mouth. Deidara shook his head, determined not to fall for Hidan's trick. He copied Hidan's actions, even letting the melted ice cream drip over his chin as he licked his fingers clean. Hidan's smirk widened and he grabbed Deidara's wrist, yanking his fingers away from his mouth and pulling them towards his own. Deidara stared as Hidan swirled his tongue over them, taking them into his mouth like he had done for his own fingers. Hidan dipped his fingers into the ice cream and held them out for Deidara, who smirked and sucked the chocolate off, his eyes never leaving Hidan's.

Fingers were removed from mouths and lips were joined again, the taste of chocolate thick on their tongues. Hands travelled over foreign bodies, pushing under blankets and shirts, eager for more skin. They pulled apart, pressing their foreheads together and gazing into each other's eyes. Smirks were mirrored on their faces as they both had the same idea. Deidara allowed Hidan to pull his shirt off and throw it down onto the floor, and he moved to lie on his back. Hidan grabbed the bowl and straddled Deidara's hips before tilting the bowl over the blonde's chest. Melted ice cream trickled out and spilled over the light skin, and Deidara gasped at how cold it was. Hidan set the bowl down and bent so that his face was only an inch above the spilled chocolate, and looked up at Deidara with a grin on his face. His tongue flicked out and licked up the sauce, not missing a drop. Deidara's eyes slipped closed and he groaned, arching his back. Hidan forced him down and managed to catch the last little drop before it hit the bed. He reached for the bowl and coated Deidara's stomach with it, once more licking him clean. Then he tugged off Deidara's pants, causing the blonde to jolt into a sitting position in surprise.

Hidan gazed at him for a moment before Deidara nodded and lay back once more. He was already hard, and so Hidan tipped the bowl over Deidara's hips and groin. He yelped at the cold temperature, but the yelp quickly turned into a moan when Hidan's warm mouth slipped over his cock, licking the chocolate from his length with delicate strokes. Deidara groaned and bucked his hips, urging Hidan along. He grumbled in annoyance when Hidan let his length fall from his mouth, and raised his head to meet the zealot's eyes.

"You're going to stop there?" He asked. Hidan laughed.

"I'm sick; do you really want to have sex with me?" A raised eyebrow was Deidara's only answer. Hidan laughed again. "Alright, but I'm on top." Deidara didn't argue with that at all. Hidan removed his boxers – it had been all he was wearing beneath the blankets – and dipped his hand into the bowl of fully melted ice cream. Deidara licked his lips as Hidan coated his own length with it, and yelped in surprised when two of Hidan's fingers slipped into his entrance. He wasn't a virgin so it wasn't long before his body was ready to accept Hidan, and the platinum-haired Jashinist positioned himself between Deidara's legs.

"Just do it, Hidan…" Deidara pleaded. Hidan grinned and nodded, thrusting inside Deidara with no warning. The blonde cringed at the sharp pain that followed, but it was quickly replaced with a pleasure he knew all too well. "Fuck…" Hidan grabbed Deidara's hips hard, digging his fingers in as he pulled back for another thrust. "I knew you'd like it rough." Hidan smirked at him.

"Is that a problem?" Deidara returned the smirk.

"Not at all, you masochistic bastard." Hidan grinned at the insult and rammed into Deidara as hard as he could. "FUCK!" Deidara screamed, throwing his head back sharply. Hidan's eyes slipped closed as he pounded into Deidara again and again, revelling in the pleasure. His head ached and his throat was raw, but all of that was forgotten as wave after wave of extreme pleasure washed over him. He forced his eyes open so that he could watch Deidara. The blonde's hair was stuck out in all directions from his thrashing, and Hidan reached forward to tug it free from the scruffy ponytail he'd kept it in. Deidara's eyes opened and locked onto his. He leant down and kissed the blonde, keeping a firm hold on his hips. Deidara reacted instantly, arms circling around his neck and holding him there, tongue battling against his.

"Fuck me…" Hidan murmured into the kiss. Deidara pulled back and raised an eyebrow, smirking. Hidan grinned back. "Don't fucking say it, asshole." To back his threat, he thrust in extra hard, and Deidara's head snapped back as he screamed his name. He shot his seed between them, his muscles clenching around Hidan as he came explosively. Hidan's eyes screwed shut as he felt his release build up, and he lot go. "Fuck, _Deidara_!" He rode it out before collapsing on top of Deidara, their foreheads touching. Deidara opened his eyes and smiled at him, and Hidan grinned before pulling out and rolling onto the bed beside him. Deidara turned onto his side to look at him, and as Hidan stared into the blonde's eyes, he realized just how much of an ass he had been that morning and for the past day. "Hey… I'm, ah, sorry… for being a nuisance." Deidara was shocked, but he smiled.

"That's alright." He grinned. "That's just who you are." Hidan didn't feel insulted like he would have done if Kakuzu had said it. With Deidara, it was just playful teasing. He reached out and brushed Deidara's hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear. Deidara's grin widened and he pushed Hidan onto his back, curling up at his side. He draped an arm over Hidan's waist, resting his hand on Hidan's hip. His head settled comfortably on Hidan's shoulder. Hidan watched him for a moment, surprised, but he didn't make any move to shove Deidara off. It was actually quite comfortable. He'd never been one for cuddling – any human contact that wasn't painful or sexual was just uncomfortable for him – but this felt nice.

"Deidara?" The blonde lifted his head, and Hidan grinned cheekily. "Well, you're still supposed to be looking after me… so how about you go run a bath?" Deidara frowned slightly, so he leant forward to whisper in his ear. "Make it for two." Deidara grinned and sat up, nodding.

"Sure thing." He gave Hidan a playful wink and got up from the bed, dipping his finger in the leftover ice cream before slipping on Hidan's Akatsuki cloak and stepping out of the room. He realized that they'd left the door open and hoped that no one had heard – or seen – what they'd been doing. Anyone could have returned to the hideout while they'd been otherwise occupied, and Sasori could have wandered up from his workshop at any time. That would have been embarrassing.

*

Two days later, everyone returned to the hideout within the same day. Itachi and Kisame came to see how Hidan was – Kisame's idea – and both seemed glad that the Jashinist was apparently feeling better. Tobi brought Hidan a big chocolate bar as a peace offering, which Hidan devoured within a matter of minutes. Even Zetsu showed up and offered his apology for trying to eat him – well, the white half did. The black half expressed a desire to try again. Kakuzu returned next and barely registered that Hidan was up and about. His only words on the subject were to say he was glad that he didn't have to pay any medical bills and that he hoped Hidan hadn't destroyed their room while he was away. Sasori emerged from his workshop, but didn't seem to care that Hidan wasn't sick anymore.

When Pein and Konan returned, Konan instantly walked up to Hidan and placed a hand on his forehead, checking to see if his temperature had gone down. She was delighted to hear that he was feeling much better, and was surprised when he told her that Deidara had taken very good care of him. Pein nodded, glad that his immortal subordinate was able to work again, but inside he was also glad that Hidan wasn't sick anymore. Just as Konan saw these boys as her adopted sons, he saw them as his family. He asked where Deidara was, so he could thank him for being so helpful to Hidan, and the blonde emerged from his room, hair down around his face. His eyes were slightly glazed and his cheeks were flushed.

Everyone took a step back when he sneezed violently.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Hah, Deidara got sick because of Hidan XD Now who's gonna look after **him**? :P Heh, I wonder... Hope you enjoyed this little one-shot of mine XD I certainly enjoyed writing it. I know the actual Yaoi was pretty lame considering, but I did write this at 3 in the morning and I wasn't really in the mood to write a full-blown detailed Yaoi scene. I might come back to it at a later date and add to it, but it's not likely. Please make sure to review! Thanks :D - homesweethomicide13_


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